Stefan at the keyboard.
Recently, an old childhood friend reached out to me and asked for help. He told me he was in a desperate situation and the bank would take his home. But he didn’t ask for money. He asked to talk with me from time to time.
My initial impulse was to alleviate the pain. To lend him some money, or find a solution to fix the problem.
But then I had a conversation with Monica, and she told me: “Your friend was motivated to do more with his life only when it felt uncomfortable.”
And I realized she was right. This individual was not proactively doing something for his life unless he was in deep pain. I’ve known him for two decades now, and every time he was in a desperate situation, in deep pain, he did amazing things for his life.
For instance, once he was fired. He was working as a junior accountant, and he was the only breadwinner in the family, so the survival of the whole family was threatened. He learned a new valuable skill, changed the domain completely and reinvented himself as a software engineer.
With much bigger pay. And much more fulfillment.
And I remembered the metaphor of the butterfly.
A child once saw a butterfly struggling to get out of its cocoon. He watched it fighting and felt sorry for it, so he decided to help. He opened the cocoon a little so the butterfly could get out more easily.
His mother saw what he had done and said: “That’s a pity. Now that butterfly will never be able to fly. And it will die.”
The child was very sad, because although he had very good intentions, he condemned it to a painful existence. When the butterfly fights to get out of the cocoon, it pushes a liquid out of its wings and that strengthens them, so it’s able to fly. It needs that exercise to be able to fly. Without it, it cannot fly anymore.
So I was prone to do the same for my childhood friend. To take away the only thing that truly motivates him. Pain.
The reason I told you this story is that when you see someone in pain, don’t hurry to take it away.
It might be the most precious thing they have.
Love and Wisdom,
Monica and Stefan
I totally LOVE this inspirational and truth based story. Thank you for sending to me. This is your best one yet for me.
This is so true for so many of us whether we are raising children of any age or to help ourselves understand our own plight into the world. I’ve learned so much personally when I’m faced with the most difficult things in life and I lost my job recently but this is not the first time. This time I refused to let self doubt, anxiety, worry, and finances take the best hours and days away from me while I search for new work. I needed the break and as a result, I have had more meaningful time with my son and husband. Now I have 3 opportunities I’m interviewing for and all have excellent options available as well as financial peace mixed in with the chance to find more happiness in my work again! I feel so blessed and I have had the time to really reflect on what I want and what would make me happiest without sacrificing myself in the process or that of my family! I donmt have any job offers yet but I’m in 2 final round interviews and one 3rd round with one more to go so I feel incredibly blessed to have taken the time to be thankful, thank God for the blessings I have, and for providing clarity in my situation knowing I can do anything I set my mind to do with God there beside me the entire time!